[ From Pete Lindstrom, Spire Security, email@example.com, in RISKS 22.53. You can't *imagine* the meta-phase problems inspired by trying to paste a chunk of text with lots of anglebrackets into pitas. Unless you use pitas. :-) Thanks to my sister for pointing out that WordPad is a) smart enough to fix it and b) dumb enough to not screw it up worse. ]
*<Adjective> Computer Worm <verb> Internet*
In the wee hours of <date>, a <adjective> computer worm spread <adverb> throughout the Internet. Dubbed <silly name> because <ridiculous reason that doesn't explain anything about how it works>, and also known as <another random name> and < yet another random name>, the worm has infected an estimated <number> systems within <length of time>. Experts are calling this worm the most <adjective> since <date in the past>.
The worm exploits a hole in <Microsoft product name> that was first identified <number> months ago by <obscure security company name>. In an attempt to secure the planet, <same company> released detailed information about the vulnerability and how to exploit it. They also mentioned how to fix it, but apparently <noun> listened. Coincidentally, the worm that exploited this hole was also first identified by <same company>. Even more coincidentally, they make a product to protect against <noun>.
"Actually, it's not really a <noun>, it's a <noun>," said <Pete Lindstrom, or some other person seeking publicity>. " A true <noun> works by <random filler that nobody will read>."
The worm's payload <verb> every system by <verb ending in -ing> the <noun>. Comparatively speaking, this is much worse than <another worm> but not as bad as <yet another worm>. The computers of <place> were hit the hardest. Current damage is estimated at <dollar figure more than the GNP of two-thirds of the world's nations>. " This worm has the potential to <something or other>," said <Pete Lindstrom, or some other person trying hard to come up with something interesting to say ;-)>. " It just goes to show you that <another something or other>."
Though there is no way to protect against this particular bug, experts recommend trying <longshot one> or <longshot two>, neither of which matter, since nobody will do it anyway.